Here are a few clues to help you define the line between a soft addiction and a productive activity and determine whether or not your behavior is a soft addiction: Zone out. One way of identifying a soft addiction is to notice whether or not you zone out while you are doing it. When we are zoned out, we are not fully engaged. We might be in another world or have a "no one is home" look plastered on our face. Zoning out hints that the real goal of the activity is numbness. Even though we're physically engaged, our mind is off somewhere else. When we're finished with the activity we frequently do not remember the things we've done, watched, or read. Though this frequently occurs while watching television, it can also occur while shopping, working, having superficial conversations, or during any number of activities.
Escaping feelings. Certain activities numb us to our emotions, especially very strong emotions. We escape feelings by becoming numb to them, increasing the feelings we like to the rejection of others, or even indulging in your favorite unpleasant feeling to avoid another. A lot of us are uncomfortable with our most intimate feelings, whether they are good or bad. We frequently don't know how to safely handle our sadness or anger so we find an activity or a mood that facilitates an emotion-muting state, which only represses our sadness, anger or other unresolved emotions.
Compulsiveness. Are you driven to indulge in a specific behavior or emotion? Do you often feel compelled to do, have, or purchase something, even though you know you do not need it? Do you feel helpless or powerless against these feelings? You may not be able to quit or diminish the amount of time wasted on a given activity. Although you receive temporary pleasure, you usually feel bad about yourself afterward. You continue following the habit, repeating to yourself, this is the last time. Even though you try to quit, you cannot find the power to do so.
Denial. If you are defensive or start justifying your actions, it's probably a soft addiction. Denial is refusing to admit and rationalization is an excuse or explanation to justify a compulsive behavior. Both blunt our self-awareness and lower our expectations of ourselves. To make our actions acceptable, we overlook, cover up, or dodge the true reason or cost. Either we maintain that the habit is not a problem or we rationalize why it's an acceptable or necessary way to spend our time. "What is so horrible about a couple cups of coffee?" is a classic justification. We may deny that the many hours spent on the internet are a waste of time and energy. The inclination to rationalize an activity implies that you have a soft addiction.
Stinking thinking. Related to denial and rationalization, "stinking thinking" is faulty thinking based on mistaken beliefs. Oversimplifying, magnifying, minimizing, rationalizing, blaming, and emotional reasoning are a few examples. Stinking thinking produces the silly logic of soft addictions. For example, "there aren't calories if I eat standing up," or "I can't exercise if I've already taken a shower." Woven throughout soft addiction routines, this sort of thinking is addictive. The distorted thoughts prompt indulging in a soft addiction in the beginning and later on make it easy for us to justify the indulgence.
Hiding the behavior. Watch out for habits that become guilty pleasures that you try to hide. Covering up the amount of time you spend on an activity or being deceitful to other people about how you normally spend your time or money suggests that you have soft addictions. You are are embarrassed of the things you are doing and that is why you wish to conceal it.
NOTE: Links must be intact to use this article. Judith Wright is an internationally recognized author, speaker, and seminar leader. She teaches workshops on overcoming soft addictions and creating "More" for 12 years. You can contact her through her Web site at www.theremustbemore.com. See also American Community Corrections Institute (ACCI)
